This week I’ve been reflecting on how we speak to ourselves. Most of the things we say inside our heads we’d never dream of saying out loud or to anyone else! There’s a balance to be struck between holding ourselves accountable and keeping motivated and beating ourselves up with a big stick. But how do we find that balance? Whether you’re just launching a new business, thinking of making the move or focused on growing your business, mistakes are inevitable and part of the learning process. How do we stop ourselves from getting consumed in all our ‘failures’?
“A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new.” Albert Einstein
Are you hard on yourself?
We’re usually much harder on ourselves than others. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. We all experience failure from time to time. It’s absolutely inevitable. During difficult times, we can find ourselves being particularly hard on ourselves. Those damaging things we say to ourselves that reveal our innermost fears and get in the way of our success and happiness. As human beings, we experience huge transformation when pushed to the boundaries of our understanding, comfort and capability. Many psychologists believe that crises and stress are not just important for our development but absolutely necessary. If we learn from the ‘breaking down’, we can actually build back better and stronger, which is why failure is key to building resilience.
Some people seek out wisdom and self-understanding when confronted with challenging times. Others intentionally push themselves out of their comfort zones in order to grow. This willingness to endure discomfort and capitalise on challenge is common among successful individuals. One of the main things that separates people who grow from challenges from people who become perpetual victims of their circumstances is their ability to approach the edge without falling off of it. Embracing self-criticism can be positive in healthy doses, and if it’s used for self-development rather than self-degradation. At some level that voice in our head is not only our harshest critic but also our greatest teacher.
Here are my Top 10 Tips on how to keep the critic in balance with the teacher:-
🌟 Reframe. Your mistakes are part of your learning. What can you take from this ‘failure’? Use it to build your resilience and increase your knowledge of yourself and the world around you.
🌟 Stand up. What you believe in is important so stand behind it. Make sure you tell people about your big, crazy ideas so they can understand what’s important to you. Don’t be afraid.
🌟 Stop comparing. You are not other people, so comparing yourself with them has no value. Better to spend your energy on learning about and accepting yourself fully, faults and all.
🌟 Learn. Other people are a great source of learning. Instead of comparing, ask yourself what you can learn from others, especially those who critise you. Use their doubts as inspiration!
🌟 No right way. Don’t limit yourself into a binary ‘right or wrong’ way of thinking or doing. There’s no right way to do a wrong thing and no wrong way to do something right! Encourage yourself to explore options.
🌟 Embrace weakness. Your ‘weaknesses’ are what make you unique. Embrace them and use to differentiate yourself from others. Nobody is good at everything. How can you leverage your uniqueness?
🌟 Perspective. Your struggles are not unique even if you are and no problem is without a solution. Putting things into perspective and seeking help will mean you can solve them quicker. Don’t wallow, get busy finding solutions.
🌟 Channel your energy. Use your feelings of frustration, doubt and anger in creative ways. Use them to motivate you rather than define you. Lose the negativity but channel the energy!
🌟 Back yourself. You are capable of so much more. Don’t underestimate what you can achieve if you set your mind to it. Make a decision, be intentional, back yourself to succeed. Do things your way.
🌟 Surround. Having people you can trust and rely on will make you happier and feel better about yourself. Surround yourself with people who want you to succeed and believe that you can.
It’s completely unrealistic to expect yourself to know everything or be able to do everything. Please be kind to yourself and if you’d like to talk through the choices you’re facing or any blockers in your business, let me know.
Lisa Zevi – August 2021